pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
