Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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