The maid of honor just puked.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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