guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
