Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
thus making me awesome and them whores
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
