i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
