So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
