I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
