I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
