and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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