How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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