you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
