i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize