Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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