Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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