Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
