Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
