Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
