it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So squirting runs in the family.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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