Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
