it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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