just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
