I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
