so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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