high people should be assigned attendants
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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