we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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