I have demons in me.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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