can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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