Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
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Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
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he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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