ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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