I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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