jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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