are you still at the devil's house?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
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I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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