I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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