Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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