Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My vagina just clenched in fear
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
