I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
