I CAN MOONWALK!
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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