I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
