Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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