I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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