I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
