At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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