I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
