I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
