you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
