I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
