ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
