god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
