Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
