I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
