dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
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