So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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