She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
