I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
