I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
