Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
as a side note pls kill me
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize