I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
