New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
A+ Viking dick
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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