how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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