I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
