i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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