nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
