suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
