Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
