Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
This baby is an asshole
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
