he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
