woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
