EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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