I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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