So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
