it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
