PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
